It has been a while.
I last wrote in April as Lexi was about to swim her first large meet since the accident in the warm down pool last December.
I was right to be afraid. Unfortunately, my fears were realized NOT because of events naturally occurring during the course of a swim meet/crowded warm down pool, but instead because of the idiotic, infuriating actions of two 18+yo swimmers. Two kids (who should have known better) rough-housing around the edge of the pool during a meet warm down added to our own personal hell when one pushed the probably 200lb girl in on top of Lexi, and the college girl's knee hit Lexi in the head.
That's an anger that doesn't go away easily, especially when there was zero remorse from the "kids", and even MORE especially when one of the same kids was doing a g**d**n chicken fight in the middle of the warm down pool at the next meet.
That's an anger that eats at my stomach lining late at night, as I worry about whether our very smart, very driven daughter is going to be able to carry a full course load this semester during her junior year of HS (aka, the most important year academically AND athletically). While some smug ass kids move on with their lives, and most of the friends, teammates, and adults in Lexi's world move along assuming things are fine in HER life, Matthew, Christi and I are the ones who have to see Lexi's pain and struggle continue.
She tries to hide it well, because she knows in this instant gratification, snapchat sized snippet driven world most people have no patience for long term issues. Having heard teammates whisper that she is making up the effects of the concussions, Lexi is super cautious about trying not to be "special needs"... but the reality is, she is going to need help and understanding for the foreseeable future.
So with school rapidly approaching the harsh reality that she is not 100%, or even close to it, is like a sucker punch to the gut. I never imagined another round of meetings with admin and advisors and learning specialists at school, or that I'd be advocating for her to be able to drop a class and make it up online or locally over the summer. She is stubbornly insisting on trying her loaded schedule for a week (AP Lang, AP Comp Gov, Honors Pre-Calc, Honors Physics, Spanish IV) to see if she has a prayer of juggling 9 swim practices a week, plus academics, with a brain that needs more sleep than normal kids AND plenty of rest breaks during the day, neither of which is going to be easy to come by during HS season, at least.
I try not to be bitter, or overtly angry, at the situation, because it doesn't change it and won't help fix it... but boy if I could cold cock the punk who set us back months and then had the insolence to try and tell people Lexi was making it up, I would. I also spin helplessly trying to come up with new ideas for people to talk to or ways to "fix" the situation, but am coming up blank. Short of hoofing all over the place polling neurologists and TBI specialists, which we won't have time to do once school starts, there is really nothing I can do right now. We rode the UPMC line as far as it can take us, IMO, and other than trying different meds (which is an awful process when you don't have days or weeks or months to waste feeling drugged or impaired or sleepy or wired in hopes it helps the headaches) or shutting her down completely I don't know what else we can do.
So now we start the process of watching, waiting, and planning options for school, while Matthew and I hold our breath and try to help Lexi deal with a schedule that is demanding enough for a fully functioning teen, never mind one who has to deal with what Lexi does on a daily basis. (And I just found out that taking a class on-line isn't an option, sigh...).
On we go.
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